ULTRASPAM the spam antidote |
ULTRASPAM is completely free (unlessyou want to give me all your money!!!) |
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ULTRASPAM WITH IT'S UNEARTHLY INGREDIENT SPAMDEMON may be completely 100% inneffective (if you are lucky) |
| THIS IS MY STORY HOW SPAM DROVE ME OVER THE EDGE I tried everything with spam. I tried changing my hatemail address I sent the fuckers snotty ingenious replies, I tried medication I tried self mutilation NOTHING WORKED YES THAT'S RIGHT NOTHING WORKED It is because of this tragic existential near to midlife crisis that I developed ULTRASPAM I quickly discovered the flaw in my former methods And why did these methods not work? Because they were not DENSE enough. The basic reason why conventional spamfighting methods DO NOT WORK is that SPAM IS DENSE!!! IN FACT the horrible truth is SPAM HAS A DENSITY THAT CANNOT BE FOUGHT BY THE EARTHLY WORLD OR IT'S INHABITANTS USING THIS SHOCKING INFORMATION I SET ABOUT SEARCHING FOR AN ANSWER AMONG THE DENIZENS OF THE UNDERWORLD WHERE i DISCOVERED A SPAMDEMON YES SUCH A CREATURE REALLY EXISTS!!! I WAS QUICK TO ENLIST THIS HORRORFUL (AND YET STRANGELY SEDUCTIVE) CREATURES HELP BY SELLING MY SOUL TO IT (TO HELP ME BUY BACK MY SOUL ) IN EXCHANGE FOR A PHOTOGRAPH TO USE AGAINST SPAM IN ADDITION TO THIS, AFTER FOUR MORE YEARS OF ARDUOUS UNPAID RESEARCH DURING WHICH MY FAMILY STARVED TO DEATH I DISCOVERED THE DENSITY OF SPAM SENT BACK TO ITSELF THREE TIMES OVER (ANTI-SPAM) WILL SEDATE IT INTO A ZOMBIELIKE STATE IN WHICH IT IS EASIER TO KILL CUNNINGLY WEAVING THESE TWO ELEMENTS TOGETHER I CREATED ULTRASPAM WITH SPAMDEMON AND ANTI-SPAM THE ONLY THING THAT HAS A O.00006% CHANCE OF KILLING SPAM STONE DEAD FOR FREE UNDER PAIN OF DEATH |
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| From: Madam Mary Harley<madam_mary@yahoo.cn> <mmmm@acornexpressservices Subject: Be my Beneficiary to the funds.Date: Monday, June 2, 2008, 6:28 AM From Madam Mary Harley Here writes Mary Harley suffering from cancerous ailment. When my late behalf was alive he left huge amount of money which were derived from his vast estates and investment in capital market. Presently, the investment portfolio is still on April this year. Recently, my doctor told me that I have limited days to live due to the cancerous problems I am suffering from, So, I decided to contact you due to time limit. Though what bothers me most is the stroke that I have in addition to the cancer. With this hard reality that has befallen my family, and me I have decided to donate this fund to you and want you to use this gift which comes from my husband's effort to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially. It is often said that blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and very wealthy persons and I do not want my husband hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I do not want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on. The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone Communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husband relatives around me but I will give you telephone number of an attorney that will draft the letter of Introduction and all other legal documents as soon as I hear from you. I want you to stand as the new beneficiary to the funds. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the firm where the funds are being deposited in Europe. I will also send you a letter of introduction that will empower you as the new the custodian and beneficiary of this fund. My happiness is that I lived a life worthy of emulation. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Please assure me that you will act just as I have stated herein.Please send all emails to my confidential emails Below: madam_mary@live.co.uk madam_mary@yahoo.com Yours sincerely Madam Mary Harley. Subject: Re: Be my Beneficiary to the funds. To: madam_mary@live.co.uk Date: Thursday, June 5, 2008, 12:46 AM Dear madam mary Alas I feel myself to be unworthy of this exalted position. Due to a period of lassitude and illness in my youth I have developed a soul that is tainted with lust and indolence and am now incapable of pursuing such a saintly path. I also have to remain near the home of my youth in order to nurse my brother who is ailing and hysterical with a chronic case of the pox. I wish you well in your quest and hope that you soon find a suitable candidate Yours, Le daemon de spam date: Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:01:41 +0200 From: jubril.ha3@didiazudah.org Subject: URGENT REPLY PLEASE,FROM THE DESK OF MR JUBRIL HASSAN AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING SECTION OF BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO WEST AFRICA Dear Friend,? I am MR Jubril Hassan, the director in charge of auditing and accounting section of Bank of Africa (BOA) Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso West-Africa with due respect and regard. I have decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be very beneficial to both of us at the end of the transaction.During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person Mr.Emmanuel Etukudo who died on May 2nd, 2004 in a gassy car accident with his entire family on there way back from Bobo-Dioulasso the formal capital city of Burkina-Faso, and the fund has been dormant in his account with this Bank without any claim of the fund in our custody either from his family or relation before our discovery to this development.The said amount was U.S $9.8M (Nine million eight hundred United States dollars). As it may interest you to know, I got your impressive information through yahoo search on foreign business relations here in Ouagadougou Burkina-Faso. Meanwhile all the whole arrangement to put claim over this fund as the bona fide next of kin to the deceased, to get the required approval and transfer this money to a foreign account has been put in place and directives, and needed information will be relayed to you as soon as you indicate your interest and willingness to assist me and also benefit your self to this great business opportunity. In fact I could have done this deal alone but because of my position in this country as a civil servant (A Wanker), we are not allowed to operate a foreign account and would eventually raise an eye brow on my side during the time of transfer because I work in this bank. This is the actual reason why it will require a second party or fellow who will forward claims as the next of kin with affidavit of trust of oath to the Bank and also present a foreign account where he will need the money to be re-transferred into on his request as it may be after due verification and clarification by the correspondent branch of the bank where the whole money will be remitted from to your own designation bank account.I will not fail to inform you that this transaction is 100% risk free. On smooth conclusion of this transaction, you will be entitled to 40% of the total sum as gratification, while 60% will be for me. Please, you have been advised to keep 'top secret' as I am still in service and intend to retire from service after we conclude this deal.I will be monitoring the whole situation here in this bank until you confirm the money in your account and ask me to come down to your country for subsequent sharing of the fund according to percentages previously indicated and further investment, either in your country or any country you advice us to invest in. All other necessary vital information will be sent to you when I hear from you. I will be expecting to hear from you soonest.Have a nice day Dear sir Gassy car accidents are generally caused by severe indigestion and can be so easily prevented. I can see how this terrible tragedy happened, however, and feel grateful and privileged that you chose me to try and arouse your dormant funds. Unfortunately however the idea of being rich fills me with horror. I believe two hundred percent in your plan but cannot take the risk that I might accumulate any wealth for I fear I have an allergy to money. It is a tragic condition that first afflicted me when I was a very young girl. When confronted by coinage I would become severely ill and inflamed in all areas and my mind would become diseased by the most wanton desires for sweetmeats and world domination. It became obvious to me at that tender age that money was a danger to me and I have taken great lengths to shun the stuff ever since. I have had a healthy but very lonely life and I must confess to feeling bitter and resentful at times. My main comforts when this happens have been violent pornography and abusive phone calls to family members. I fear that this is the end of the matter and we must correspond no more. I hope that you find someone more suitable to assist you with your dormant funds. Adieu Le Daemon DeSpam MR Jubril Hassan, Date: Wed, 3 Sep 2008 17:33:51 -0700 From: jonesokoma0@yahoo.com.co Subject: GOOD DAY ¡Tengo nueva dirección de correo! Ahora puedes escribirme a:jonesokoma0@yahoo.com.co - TEMPLE CHAMBERS & ASSOCIATES (LEGAL PRACTITIONAL)No: 85,Western Avenue,Surulere,Lagos.Email:(jonesokoma@hotmail.com)ATTN Sir/Ma,It is obvious that this proposal will come to you as a suprise.This is because we have not met before but I am inspired to sending you this email by the huge fund transfer opportunity that will be of mutual benefit to the two of us. However, I am barrister jones okoma, Attorney to the late Engr. Benjamin City, a national of Isle of Man in UK, who used to work with Shell Petroleum Development Company(SPDC) in Nigeria. On the 11th of November,1997.My client,his wife And their three children were involved in a car accident along Sagamu/Lagos Express Road.Unfortunately they all lost their lives in the event of the accident, Since then I have made several enquiries to several Embassies to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful.After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his relatives over the Internet to locate any member of his family , hence I contacted you.I contacted you to assist in repartrating the money and property left behind by my client,I can easily convince the bank with my legal practice that you are the only surviving relation of my client.Otherwise the Estate he left behind will be Confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where this huge deposits were lodged.Particularly, the Bank where the deceased had an account valued at about $15 million U.S dollars (fifteen million U.S.America dollars).Conseqently, The bank has isued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account Confiscated within the next ten official working days.Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over several years now.I seek your consent to present you as the deceased`s next of kin so that the proceeds of this account valued at $15million U.S dollars can be paid to your account to be shared between us as follows 55% to me and 40% to you,while 5% should be for expenses or tax as your government may require.All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this deal through, and forward the following to me.Your Full Name:Your Age and Gender;Your Nationality:Your House Address: Your Occupation:Your Tele-phone And Fax No:I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.Please get in touch with me by my email to enable us discuss further. Yours Faithfully, Barrister jones okoma (SAN.)NB: PLEASE,REPLY MY MAIL TO THIS EMAILADDRESS(jonesokoma@hotmail.com) Dear sir Extending relatives is a very lengthy and arduous task and for the most part unrewarding. I myself have attempted to extend many of my own relatives (on a rack) and only once have I found the achievement of this as exciting and pleasurable as the anticipation beforehand. Many more times did I find myself mildly disappointed which I assure you is an INTOLERABLE state in which to spend seven years. But enough of my problems. I recommend you get all the relatives (pre extended or not, either will do) together in one place (lure them with the prospect of vicious character assassination and ham sandwiches) and blow there **cking heads off with a shotgun. It's a much simpler process and the intense maniacal sense of power and righteousness that one feels afterwards is orgasmic. Have a nice day Le daimon de spam. |
| AND NOW AT LAST ULTRASPAM! WARNING:DO NOT SEND FROM YOUR OWN HATEMAIL ADDRESS IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THE HATEMAIL ADDRESS OF SOMEBODY YOU CAN'T STAND, SEND IT FROM THEIRS. OTHERWISE SET UP A NEW ONE FOR GODS SAKE! |
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| SOMEONE HAS A CRUSH ON YOU FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. CLICK TO FIND OUT WHO! |
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